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Saturday, November 24, 2012

me ; unbalanced ?

.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.


hey peeps ! yes , yes . i'm back . :)
happy to see me being a happy gal huh ?
okay , i'm happy . i admit , but not that *fat* happy .
see this . *pointing upwards .
i think i have a serious problem in this case . *sigh*

i know , i ate a lot . i mean a lil' lot . maybe ? no ? okay . serves me right .
i can't even stand properly . push me a little , i'm down . *err , what ?
i am sooooo not skinny okay ? don't imagine me being a stick girl . 
it is sooooo not me .

i've tried to eat more or less . okay , whichever . hoping to get a balance weight or so .
but i've gain a little , surprisingly . HAHA maybe this is ideal for me . MAYBE .
yes , a little is okay . *mindspeaking .


okay , this is little . haha . can't gain too much . i don't know why .
but it happens . still , i'm grateful .
i feel skinny . FEEL . ONLY . haish .

that's the story . you guys , please donate me some of your fat .
i truly appreciate it . thanks a bunch ! :)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

| something to share |


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.


for those who doesn't know yet .
this is what i'm studying right now .
and i'm PROUD of being a member of it .
twas a long time since i had posted news to this very unfamous blog of mine .
i know, you guys really waited for a LONG, LONG, LONG time . my bad . seriously .
but hey ! i was just making memories, better yet, good stories to tell aye ?


the next thing you have to know, are my FRIENDS . love you guys !
well, not the boy who over-posed than us girls . okay, correction .
he's a friend, but not a friend-friend . got it ? no ? never mind . =.="
twas a lame joke, i know . skip that part .

girls just love to smile for the camera, right ?
. . . . . . . . .
okay, no respond . i get it . it's a blog . hmph !

introducing athirah, ain, nuru, wahidah, me (obviously), sofeana and hanna .
what ? you wanna know which one is which ? try figure it out yourself .
if you're right, i'll give you a free access to read my posts . *wink2 !

you know, final examination is around the corner but i ain't study or improve any subject yet . hopefully, i won't get the worst grades in my history of life . HOPEFULLY . Gulp !
i'm a first year student, and this time i really felt the time passed quickly . hhmmmm .
and within these times, great experience had i gained . the sweet, the sour, and all .


i went to palam that one holiday, remembering all the stairs, all the laughter, all the fresh air, all the lecture hall, all the college, and especially all my former friends . 
i missed that time . i REALLY do . hoping you are missing me too . :'(

life as a degree student is not that easy kids ! 
who says you'll be less burden or anything similar to that ? it's all a lie .
well, what can i say :
you won't achieve success if you won't work harder in your life . 
with this, you will really taste the sweetness of your hard work .


this was just taken a few days ago . me and my pals . hanging out together .
at the sunway piramid . didn't plan it but followed our feet, where to go .
taking pictures the classic way . ( in the toilet )
these little ugly faces are sometimes cute, you know ? :)
they are marsella and alia . my former schoolmates . 

there were so many things happened yet i cannot type all of them down today .
i'm not a robot you know . if i was, then i can't express feelings like humans do .
so yeah, i do want to share my little memories with you . so do be patient .
and thanks a lot you know . :3 for being a part in my life .

love ,
.irawani.

Friday, September 21, 2012

: i am not sure :


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.



terase ade hikmah disebalik pertemuan.
pengajaran disebalik perpisahan.
namun, xdapat dikesan apakah yang Allah mahu tunjukkan.

hati yang kerdil, xdapat nak mentafsir segala perkara yang berlaku.
namun, akal boleh berfikir apa yang boleh difikirkan.
melihat segala kebetulan, merasai segalanya adalah takdir.
diri tidak pasti apakah makna semua ini.
tetapi masih tabahkan hati untuk meneruskan kehidupan.

bagaikan ada sebuah misteri.
sebuah teka-teki, yang harus diselesaikan.
tetapi, ketakutan dihati untuk merasai balik segala kepedihan.
membantut segala kelakuan, perbuatan.

apakah masih boleh difikirkan sebagai pertemuan yang diaturkan?
ataupun hanyalah sebagai satu lagi ujian untuk menguatkan iman?
ayat sahaja tidak mampu untuk mengungkapkan apa yang tersimpan dihati.

mungkin juga kita hanyalah terlebih berfikir.
kerana segala kebetulan itu sebenarnya takdir.
tetapi hati masih runsing, dan terdapat tanda soal pada segala perkara.
dimana tiada siapa yang mampu menjawabnya.

mengingatkan cerita cikgu dulu,
membuatkan hati sedikit gentar.
mungkinkah saya bukan yang terbaik, bukan yang satu.
namun, cuma Allah yang tahu.

perasaan itu fitrah, tidak dapat dilihat, tetapi dapat dirasa.
bukan sesuatu yang boleh dipegang, tetapi boleh dikawal.
cuma kadang-kadang, ia boleh hilang kawalan, tanpa kita sedar.

kita cuma seorang insan, yang hanya harapkan perkara yang terbaik untuk diri kita.
itu sebab bukan semua yang boleh terima segala kenyataan.
memerlukan masa untuk menerima.
walaupun perit sesuatu itu, tetapi apakan daya.
kuasa pada tangan Allah, dan DIA telah aturkan apa yang terbaik bagi kita.
terpulang kepada kita, apakah kita terimanya dengan redha, ataupun pasrah.
fikirkanlah.

masa silam itu pengajaran, masa depan itu harapan.
bukanlah apa yang terjadi itu yang sepatutnya dikenang, tetapi pengajarannya.
bukanlah angan-angan yang sepatutnya dibayangkan sahaja, tetapi dikejar.

sesungguhnya ...
kita hanya akan dapat yang baik-baik jika kita orang yang baik-baik,
dan kita hanya akan dapat yang buruk-buruk jika kita orang yang buruk-buruk.

coretan hanyalah sebagai luahan, juga sebagai peringatan.
mencari kepastian, dan berfikir tentang kemungkinan.
tiada niat untuk merasa gusar dengan ketentuan.
cuma berfikir untuk mencari hikmah disebalik kejadian.

salam sayang.
.irawani.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

+ the world where i stood +


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.


what goes around comes around
not sure. terbalik ke? ape aku kesah.

duniakini, ceh! ape punye malay aku. wah wah wah
people seems to believe in what they see.
but not feeling like to believe deep from their heart.
*erm this one memang keluar tajuk, i'm sorry. lost of ideas.

nyhow...

kekadang, terfikir sejenak.
is this what my life looks like?
or is it just the beginning of it?
siapa tahu, xde sorang pun. it's only the creator who knows.
for HE who KNOWS everything.

i open my eyes and i see the blue sky.
i walk down a path and i see the green grass.
i greet my fellows and i see their sweet smile.

all of this *pointing in every direction. you experience them every single day.
surely, you must be grateful with what you've got but ....
sometimes, people doesn't feel satisfied.
i too have felt that way.

the question for now is WHY?

why do i feel like freedom when the others felt burden to do something that must be done?
why do others felt grateful but i'm not when i passed my exam results?
why do i feel like to buy things that i already bought in a short time?
*err, just an example.

you know why?
because we humans are not perfect.
ceh! tetibe cakap pasal perfect nih. ish!
every single heart have their own feelings and ... *feel free to add yourselves.
its simple and easy as that.

kepuasan dihati xdapat kita penuhi semuanya.
this is serious talk and i'm not joking.
tapi, bile kite tengok disekeliling kite.
urban life, kampong life and what-not life.

semuanya ada life and setiap life tu jugak ada beberapa jenis lifenya lagi.
kaya life, miskin life, pelarian life, .........
what can we do to make everyone's life happy?
NOTHING. *i know. you are objecting my point. i respect your opinion.
its not that we can help EVERYONE's life.
sutun-sutun sahaja yang boleh tapi bukan semua.

ramai orang banyak ragam.
seriously i freaked out when a certain someone who looks like homeless and have nothing went staring at me like, like, well. can't say anything. soooooo scary.

i know where i come from, and i know i'm from a decent place called bintulu but i never knew there was something more outside the world that i can't see with my own eyes.

terlalu banyak perkara yang ada didunia tapi hanya Allah Yang Maha Melihat, Maha Mengetahui apa yang terjadi didunia yang fana ini. *skema ayat.x tipu.

saya hanyalah seorang hamba kerdil, yang tidak tahu apa-apa.
hanya mampu melihat apa yang ada dekat dimata.
namun segelintir sahaja yang mampu dirasa dari dalam hati.

and i'm hoping for the best, praying for all of you so that you have the life you wanted and the world to be much better than ever.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

| shah alam mari |


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.



walaupun malas, tapi hati girang.
it's time for countdown to the days for degree enrollment.
bukan aku sorang aje tapi ramai lagi woo.

takat ni, aku tak jumpe lagi sape2 yang same kos dengan aku.
but, as always kite akan jumpe kat sane.
macam asasi dulu.

how i missed my friends. *wiping tears
ok, ok. enough with sadness.
kene bergerak ke hadapan.

harap2nye dapat satu bilik dengan former classmate dulu.
baru syok. at least kitorang memang satu geng. hahaha.

DAYAH! daftar same2 tau. insyaAllah la kalau dapat ea.


ok shah alam. nanti aku datang Sabtu nih.
be good to me will ya? *wink2


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

*my happy beginning*


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.




tengok betape besarnye screen komputer aku.
luas-seluasnye.

alhamdulillah praise to Allah.
mase yang aku nantikan dah tiba.
memang Allah nak kasi ujian kat aku untuk aku tempuh sepanjang Ramadhan ini.

at last, i've been given the opportunity to study again.
and what better news than this?

although i'm not even sure what course its really about.
but i'll take my chances.

+peluang datang sekali seumur hidup+
+hargailah selagi dapat+

memang ada sekali tu, aku termimpi.
mimpi siang2 la kot sebab lepas subuh tu.
aku bukak wifi sume, nak tengok result laa.
and at that time, aku berjaya.
i'm not sure what course i've got, and which server i opened.
tapi mase tu aku harap that's my dejavu.
*harap sangat*

and wallah! dreams do come true.
hopefully aku berjaya dalam kos ni.
mintak sangat2. don't wanna end up like last time.

seriously aku dah jerak!
lessons learnt and this time i'll be thinking positively.


*i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready*
and ready i will be.

pray for me and insya Allah may your life also be blessed.

Friday, August 10, 2012

despair, is the word.


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.



i am in so much pain that i don't know how to endure all of it.
how can i? for this little heart to handle them all.
terlalu banyak emosi nak tunjuk tapi i'm not the one with those emotions.

yes, now i think its true that sometimes you tend to escape from it.
leaving it as a bad memory.
as if it will soon go away.

but NO! i'm facing the reality.
not a nightmare that i have from sleeping.
memang ade rase tertekan, but if not now, bile lagi?

keputusan permohonan tu memang nak bagi aku a heart attack.
its not that aku nak kate aku dapat kat tempat yang aku nak ke x.
its about mine was never in the system.

ohmagod! ohmagod!
WAS NEVER IN THE SYSTEM??
the question mark was sooo big that i felt depressed thinking about it.

now, i really felt the world was too big for me.
i tried to call the helpline.
not once but lotsa lotsa of times.
but to my despair, no one answered.

i'm not sure where's the part that i got screwed up.
mana2 tempat pun boleh jadi.
one simple, minor mistake, then jadiknya macam ni.

but, as i thought.
maybe bukan aku je yang dapat macam ni. ramai lagi.
mane tahu.
dalam berjuta2 orang, it's impossible that only i'm the one who got nothing.

hmmmmmm, now i think i need to calm down.
to settle things more clearly.
bukan main hentam barang gitu like a maniac. NOOO!

if aku xsolvekan masalah ni secepat mungkin, how am i to pursue my education in the bachelors degree level?
i'll be left alone while the others are happily studying to reach their dreams.

I DON'T WANT THAT, AND I WON'T MAKE IT HAPPEN.

i just need patience and some hope. 

plus, your encouragement. *really! i'll be needing it.
making my life easier for the near future.

and this is all i want to blabber about, where nothing goes right. 

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

: suka & cinta :


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.



i know! the first thing yang korang maybe akan terfikir, have i been in love before? or rather have i a crush on someone? 

theseee, *pointing in circles has got nothing to do with me. mungkinlah. not sure. okai. white lie. SORII!!

dalam masa yang agak lamaaa, baru aku terfikir mende2 gini. well, firstly. those who couple2 nih, try to figure out on your own. which one are you?

sukaa
i'm not pretty sure untuk suka2 nih. cause bagi aku xdelah perasaan sayang tu timbul bagai nak rak. it's like a crush o sth like that. kau suka dia? common question kan? 

suka tu kalau aku, perasaannye gituuu aje. xde lebih kurang. kalau aku suka, aku x sayang. *sirius cakap! hahaha, but still, better for me to have a crush right cause aku bukannye pandai nak layan teman2 nih. aku jenis yang memang suka buat orang frust dengan aku. and with that, i'm sorry.

cintaaa
a strong word for like. you think so? yang ni aku rase ade laaa timbulnya perasaan2 yang sepatutnya ada. cth : sayang gila2, cemburu, bangga, understandingss, trust, terima seadanyaaa dll. 

ada perasan tidak? beza dia maybe aku sorang faham. maybe tidak. hahaha. loving someone is like a job. sth you have to work with. bukan senang nak cinta, dan bukan juga senang nak sayang. 

but the truth is, loving someone after marriage is the sweetest thing to happen in one's life. yess, i know bukan semua dapat rasa. cause everyone has their own story. 

such as myself, my wish is to make a great story in my life.
we can only plan it, but its always ALLAH who will make things come true.

bagi aku, tidak apa aku xcinta, takat crush tu berape je pun ade. cause i'm still waiting for the right guy who can guide me and my family to jannah.

and in fact, aku tahu, you too still waiting for him/her. i'll pray for you. till then, i believe i won't play with my feelings anymore after this. perasaan saja, nak layan buat apa? haha.

i bid good luck to you *and also to myself dalam mendapat kehidupan yang berkat fiddunnia walakhirat. till then.

toodles.

Friday, August 03, 2012

*menjenguk kembali*


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.



sudah tak biasa nak berblogging 
tapi xsemena2 nak jugak taip malam ni.
yelaaa. mane xnye, aku stop kerje baru2 ni.
xdelah mase nak menaip segale bagai.

tapi sekarang macam2 cerite aku nak gitau.
BUT xtau nak gitau yang
 mana satu pulak.
banyak kes terjadi woooo semenjak aku xmenaip ni.
yang kes terbaru.

orang mati terjun bangunan kat tempat aku kerje.

haiya, baru langkah kanan masuk kerje kecoh kedai.
aku ni dengar citer gitu aje.
terkejut pun ade jugak.
yelah, aku baru pusing tempat dia jatuh tu.
masok2 kerje dah ada mayat kat tempat tu.
na'uzubillah.

kalau jadinye die terjun mase aku tengah pusing tempat tu.
memang aku mental trauma jadinyeee.
xmasuk kerje seminggu. komfirm!
*eh! seminggu je ke?

bila dah jadi hot news satu bende mesti jadik.
gosip sana gosip sini.
lagi2 bulan ramadhan nii.
ade je nanti pikir bukan2 pada arwah tuu.
jangankan time puasa nak amal ibadat tapi penuh dengan dosa mengumpat sudah.

so, apa yang aku dapat daripada peristiwa tu salah satunya kuatkan iman.
agama itu mesti dipegang teguh.
jangan nak main langgar je.
kalau x, tentunya xfikir dah fasal nak buat segala larangan Allah.
*contoh di sini membunih diri.

.'i' dengan 'I'.
janganlah kita beragama oleh kerana dengan nama Islam sahaja tapi berusahalah untuk menjadi seorang islam yang soleh dan solehah sepanjang hidup kita.

Saturday, May 05, 2012

progress seen


.السلام عليكم.
.ASSALAMUALAIKUM W.B.T.


as long as i lived,
i'll always lend you a hand.

every teacher needs students to be taught.
but in my case, i'm not a teacher.
rather i volunteer to be as one.

i'll tell you where i work, teaching.
the best of the best place you ever want to enroll in.
*this, i recommend to bintuluans.

Medan Jaya Tuition Centre [PTMJ]
where you can pursue your dreams.
*oh yeah! this is what i'm talking about.

for starters, i really am not into teaching.
with those naughty children to handle through 2 hours.
*man, i'm not familiar with kids!
and thinking about ways how to teach them.
this is even harder than being a cashier.

but time passed by and i learnt from them.
this was how i learned back then.
i even reminiscent all the good memories that i've created there.
sure was good to be back.
*i even found pictures of me receiving trophies.

anyway, i see some progress in my students.
they really are working hard.
i know i'm not that strict, but sometimes my anger rises.
and well, it will triggers them for awhile.
*just for about 5 seconds or so, and the class will get noisy once more. huh.

all but a good day's work.
i felt great in making them understand what they have learnt.
phew! really makes my presence worth it.
*fyi, i don't have my voice back yet.

i hope they will remember what i taught somehow.
although its not that much but it will do for the time being.
and guess what, i think i enjoy teaching them right now. 
*haha! that is a good joke sister!

that's the story for today.
enjoy!

toodles!